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Sunday, October 22nd, 2006
10:43 am - Everything falls into place when it's autumn time.
I got my Birthday present a wee bit early. My parents got me a LapTop. It's the best gift since my guitar. And I'm very greatful. It's also doubling as a VERY early college-going-away-gift. My Birthday is in 11 days. I'll be 17. I'm sooo old. LOL

current mood: cheerful

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Tuesday, September 19th, 2006
5:20 pm - WOOTTTTTTTTTT! Go me.
I'm offically licensed to kill. TEEHEE...

current mood: happy

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Monday, September 18th, 2006
7:31 pm - GO ME!
I passed my road test with one demerit. Because a car was blocking my view and I went anyways. Oh well. I get my license tomorrow!!

YAY!

current mood: accomplished

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Sunday, September 17th, 2006
1:37 pm - It's all a confusing mess of emotions and insecurities.
I'm finding it harder and harder to realize who I am. Who I am on the inside. Because so much of my life is spent trying to impress everyone else, I never try to impress myself. I mean, I know I'm a good person. At least most of the time. I put a lot of effort into being nice, and although there are a few people who I am mean to, I'm not really saying all I want to say. I hold back a lot. It's like... I got invited to be in NHS... Big deal right? Well I told my dad and he just said, "good" GOOD? That's a freaking HONOR!!! And all I freaking get is a "good". I try sooo hard to impress him and make him proud. I'm trying to get a 4.0 this year. And all I get is a "good". And now I guess people are talking about me. I'm not sure if that's good or bad. I mean I hope it's all good things they are saying. But also, people who wouldn't normally talk to me, are talking to me. It's like, over the summer... I changed? I don't know. But now people talk to me. People are nice to me. And I don't know why. To me, I'm the same. I haven't gotten smarter, prettier, nicer...ect. I'm still Val. I'm still the same girl I was last year. Granted I grew up more. I guess going to church over the summer helped. But getting in touch with God just made me mad. Mad that everyone is mean no matter what they believe. So... I guess what I'm trying to say is that no matter what, I'll always try to impress everyone else with what I can do, or what I have. I want to know who I am. I know as much about me as any person would. I don't know the true inner workings of myself. Am I all that I talk myself up to be? Am I really what I said I was? I just want a while to be alone, impress myself, find myself, improve myself, and love myself. Maybe then I'd be worthy of someone else's time. I just wonder why it's taken me so long to figure out that the way I'm living is wrong. God help me please.

current mood: confused

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Tuesday, September 12th, 2006
5:57 pm - Open Road, Here I Come.
It's offical. I take my road test at 5:15 Monday.

current mood: ecstatic

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Monday, September 4th, 2006
12:59 pm - All that's closing in, it's suffocating and I'm losing speed.
Ever feel like the world is closing in around you, and you can't breathe and there's nothing stopping you from jumping off that 50 story building?

I just hope the sudden stop isn't as bad as it sounds.

current mood: contemplative

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Friday, August 25th, 2006
10:19 am
Gone to Alabama... Back September 1st.

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Tuesday, August 22nd, 2006
8:41 pm - Life... Love... Happiness... Best all around.
My Schedual is as follows...
Booker 1-4th hours.
Personal Management 5th hour.
Student Assisting (Marine) 6th hour.
Earth Science 7th hour.

I won't have to ride the bus. Well considering that we moved out of district and such. And after the 16th of September, I'll be driving. That excites me.

Oh, I got my first hair cut today.

And my first tip.

GO little girl!! WOOT WOOT.

Church tomorrow, Cedar Point Thursday, and Alabama Friday.

current mood: content

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Sunday, August 20th, 2006
9:26 pm - I'm in a marathon, && running with barefeet.
Tomorrow starts my stressfull week.
Monday- Orientations, and Driver's Training.
Tuesday- Booker, level 2 final written test, and Driver's Training.
Wednesday- Booker, level 2 final practical test, Driver's Training, and Church.
Thursday- Charter bus down to Cedar Point at 5am, and Cedar Point.
Friday- Charter bus back home at 7am, leave to Flint at noon, and get on plane to go to Alabama at 2:50pm.
Then I get home September 1st. At who know's what time. But I'm excited about all of it. I'll be nice and tan for the first day of school, and I'll have rode the craziest roller coasters!! Ahhhhh. I love this.
By the way, Kirk is coming with me to Cedar Point. I can't wait to spend another long day with him. He's amazing and I love him soooo much! YAY. He makes me smile like no one else can. <3

current mood: happy

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Tuesday, August 15th, 2006
9:23 pm - It's been a while since I've seen home.
Okay so first off... I dyed my hair.

**BEFORE**
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**AFTER**
Image and video hosting by TinyPic
Okay, so other than that. Oh wait...

KIRK SAID I LOVE YOU!!!

Okay... Other than that... Too much drama.

Had my first client.

LOVE. =D

current mood: loved

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Sunday, August 13th, 2006
5:03 pm - This is all too ridiculous.
Ummm... So my life is slowly ending. Great isn't it? I'm so stressed, I'm going to have a heartattack and die at the age of 16. I can't wait.

current mood: annoyed

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Thursday, August 3rd, 2006
10:17 pm - FINALLY THE TRIP I'VE BEEN LONGING FOR!
August 25th! I'm going to ALABAMA!!!!! BABY! WOO WOO.

current mood: amused

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Sunday, July 30th, 2006
9:09 pm - This is my anthem of my summer.
I'm Thinking of the words to say,
I'd like to think that this was fate.
Reference to a song you love,
Spell confusion with a "K"
Like a star without its strings,
hanging here on these two wings.
For that smile and those eyes
I'm falling

and If time could stop, how could I make this more poetic?
When there's nothing more pathetic to be said

You bring me out, show me light,
I'm sorry if I hide, too afraid to look inside.
You carry truth, and make me smile.
If it were you and me tonight,
I would tame the stars, save the brightest one for you,
For you...

and If you ever had the chance,
Would you make your life seem right?
Or would you only hold it back,
good times, the hard, and the bad.
ever you say is alright,
Just as long as there's no doubt.
Could you look me in the eye
say hopes died

If time could stop, how could I make this more poetic?
When there's nothing more pathetic to be said

You bring me out, show me light,
I'm sorry if I hide, too afraid to look inside.
You carry truth, and make me smile.
If it were you and me tonight,
I would tame the stars and save the brightest one for you.

Our wish,
Each time,
Keeps me returning to you,
Night after night
Lift me up as high as the clouds that won the sky,
For you and I

You bring me out, show me light,
I'm sorry if I hide, too afraid to look inside.
You carry truth, and make me smile,
If it were you and me tonight,
I would tame the stars and save the brightest one for you

You bring me out, show me light,
I'm sorry if I hide, too afraid to look inside
You carry truth, you make me smile
If it were you and me tonight,
I would tame the stars and save the brightest one for you,
For you...

current mood: happy

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Tuesday, July 25th, 2006
9:35 pm - You don't have to read this, it's just my emotions.
I never thought that one thing could change my life so much. One letter. One message. It's like hearing her last words. It's like seeing her last breath. It's like touching her as she slips away. It's like learning how to walk all over again. It's hard to explain and the one who could relate to it most is hundreds of miles away, with no hopes of returning. And I don't know what to do. I don't know how to act. I'm not what I thought. I'm not strong. I'm not over her. Her death. Her life. Her fight. She brought me here to leave me before my life began. And I hate her so much for dying. Like it's her fault she got cancer. Like it's her fault they didn't have a cure. But it's not. All she ever wanted was family. All she ever wanted was to love us and take care of us. Not die and not see us grow up. But it's so hard to know that she's not going to be there for the big things in life for me. She didn't see my first day of school. Or my sweet sixteen. Now there's my license, and my senior year. And then there'll be Graduating, and going to college, and I'll evenutally get married. But my mom won't ever see those moments. She won't ever get the chance. And I feel like I'm letting her down by not doing every possible thing to fulfil my life. But the more I do, the more stressed and depressed I get. I shouldn't feel this way at all. And I guess that's why I've started going to church. Because she would have wanted me to. And I'm hoping that some how, GOD will help me find peace with the fact that she's gone. And maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to go to her grave, and smile.

current mood: sad

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Sunday, July 23rd, 2006
9:46 pm - I always loved those late night calls because I was always half asleep.
Lately, I've felt so insanly good about myself that I've actually considered modeling. I think it'd be a fun experiance. But anywho, as far as relationships go, I've hardly hung out with my best friend. I don't know if it's the lack of transportation, or the fact that we are both involved with guys. I've hung out with my boyfriend everyday, or every other day for weeks now. He's a great guy and I really hope we go someone someday. If you get what I mean. Ummm I've finally learned a full song on the guitar!!! Play Crack The Sky by Brand New. Gooooood easy song. LOL But ummmm, I've forgotten what it's like to be a kid. I need someone to remind me what it was like to want to swim for 12 hours, and laugh at stupid jokes. What I need is some good quality Jamie time. Oh, I'm going to Cedar Point with my church Thursday. That's right, VAL'S CHURCH. Val has a church. Holy CRAP look out, the world is ending. LOL But no, It's actually not that bad and I found something from my mom that has made me want to get closer to GOD. Because if I ignore God and he really ends up being real, I don't want to not be able to meet my mom. So, I guess I had to put my doubts aside and trust... Have FAITH. But anywho, I just thought I'd update ya. I'm bored. And yeh. I want to hang out. Give me a call.

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Image and video hosting by TinyPic

current mood: happy

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Sunday, July 16th, 2006
8:19 pm - By the way, I'm here for you if you need me.
Spending 72 + hours with someone can bring one of two things.
Absolute blind hatred.
OR
A deeping of emotions.

I'm glad I got the better half of it.

I've never spent so much time with some one this early in a relationship, and I must say, I don't think I would have lasted with any other guy but Kirk. I've never felt so good as I do with him. And he's insane. I loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee it! =D Oh and being rebelious, and sneaking into his and Carl's tent at 4 in the morning is VERY invigorating. I just like him sooo much. I hope this one lasts a LOOOOOOOOOOOOONG time.

current mood: happy

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Tuesday, July 11th, 2006
9:06 pm - My world is being turned upside down and shaken like a rain-maker.
It's pretty much offical.

My new address from here on out is 360 Moon Court Casnovia MI, 49318.

That's right.

My lake house.

My new house.

My hell hole for the next 10 or so months.

My parents have pretty much decided that here is where they want to live. And here is where I'm forced to live. So I gave them a list of things that must happen in order for me to live here happily. I do hope they comply.

current mood: restless

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Monday, July 10th, 2006
9:08 pm - I never thought I'd appreaciate all that I've been through.
I love family. Especially family that you haven't seen in months. It was great to see that they still idolized me like they used to. It was great to take them out on the wave runners too. It was fun. I had more fun when we thought a boat of guys was checking us out.
BUT
It ended up being Kirk. LOL And Ex-Boyfriend Tom (BARF). That was NOT COOL. I hated seeing him. It brought back soo much pain. I gave everything to that piece of crap just to have it shoved into my face. Not cool. That kid was just NOT what I needed at that time in my life. Or ever. Never ever. So I'm not feeling that great right now. I just kind of want to roll into a ball and die for a while.

I guess (other than that) things have been going pretty good. I can actually eat food again. But my jaw is still really sore, so I can't open my mouth really wide anymore. That sucks. I'm trying to like stretch it out so I can get it back to normal. And Kirk's been a great boyfriend. He came over like 3 times while I was ugly and swollen. And I've seen him 3 days in a row now. And it's offical.
I got B-U-T-T-E-R-F-L-I-E-S.

Oh and Fred got kicked out finally.

current mood: sad

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Thursday, July 6th, 2006
11:02 am - I just want something real.
I haven't slept a whole night through in over a week. I haven't chewed anything in a week. It's pathetic. And ridiculous. I'm sick of being miserable.

current mood: cranky

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Tuesday, July 4th, 2006
7:01 pm - I just wish this would end.
Buuuuuh! I hate surgery's. I hate anti-biotics. I hate Spagetti-o's. I hate liquid tylenol. And I hate being SWOLLEN!

current mood: awake

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